How to Socialize in Group Settings as an Introvert
It’s no secret that introverts have to exert a lot of energy to socialize in group settings — much more than just a one-on-one conversation. In fact, it’s been scientifically proven that introverts and extroverts have differently-wired brains that account for our socialization preferences.
As a lifelong introvert myself, I’ve got a few helpful tips that will help you survive your next group hangout or event, including:
Get a feel of the group dynamic before you say something
Don’t ruminate on a topic for too long
Try to speak more towards the beginning of the hangout
If your social battery runs out, try to at least appear engaged
Get a Feel of the Group Dynamic
Introverts have a tendency to enjoy deep, thoughtful discussions, but the context of the discussion is not always a good fit for those kinds of topics, and can lead to embarrassment. So it’s good to get a feel of the type of conversation this is, especially if you’re around extroverts.
I can recall one particular moment freshman year of college when I was hanging out with a few people from one of the campus organizations of which I was a part. One girl in the group stated that she really enjoyed the book she was reading which was about a toxic love story, even though she jokingly admitted she didn’t want a toxic love story for herself. Well, as the typical, deep-thinking person that I am, I casually went on to give a very thoughtful response, saying that she probably enjoyed it because as humans, we often like consuming media that caters to the worst aspects of human nature, including toxic love stories like the book she was reading. What happened after that? They laughed at me — all five of them, and continued on with the conversation as if I wasn’t even there.
So before you begin to join the topic, take a few minutes to think about the following contextual clues:
Beforehand, consider the type of event this is and whether or not deeper topics are appropriate.
Listen to everyone else talk for a few minutes to see if the topics are more light-hearted or not.
If you happen to bring up a more thoughtful perspective on something, pay attention to how other people react and go from there.
Don’t Ruminate on a Topic for Too Long
Introverts have a tendency to ruminate on topics before they speak about it, partly because we like to try and consider all aspects of the topic before providing our opinions, but in a group discussion, if you think before you speak for too long you might be overlooked in the conversation.
Does this scenario sound familiar to you: you’re listening to a really great, engaging discussion, but you don’t want to speak prematurely because you would rather think things over before providing a superficial, unthoughtful answer. So, you listen, and listen, and listen, until eventually the topic is coming to an end, and before you get a chance to say anything, everyone has moved on to the next topic of discussion. It might be weird to go back to the previous topic now that people’s focus has shifted, but because you enjoy thinking below the surface about things, you’re still ruminating on the topic minutes after it’s ended.
This is not an uncommon experience for many introverts and deep-thinkers out there, so if you want a chance at engaging in discussion, don’t ruminate for as long as you might like to; save that for your one-on-one relationships that understand your need to think deeply about things before responding.
Speak More Towards the Beginning of the Hangout
Introvert burnout can happen at any time, but it’s more likely to happen towards the middle or end of the hangout after your motivation to socialize has run out. So, try to get most of your socializing in towards the beginning of the hangout.
Every introvert (or person even) has a limit to how much socialization they can handle. For some it may be 3 hours tops, and for others, it might be an hour and they’re ready to go home to a good book or a puzzle that they can do by themselves. It’s helpful for you to know what your social limit is, so that you can make sure you get your socializing in towards the beginning when you’re not drained and likely to have a poor attitude towards people who want to interact with you.
So, know your social limits, and the next time you have to socialize in a group setting, you can ensure that you have a great attitude towards the beginning of the event and you won’t leave having talked to no one.
If Your Social Battery Runs Out, at Least Appear Engaged
One of the worst things that can happen to an introvert is for your social battery to start running out while you’re in the middle of a group hangout or at an event. If this happens, just ease away from verbally participating in the discussion, and put on an engaged face.
Even though it might be obvious that you’re less verbally engaged in the discussion, the last thing you want to do is give off the impression that you’re uninterested in the people you’re hanging out with, so try to at least appear engaged with a pleasant demeanor, and listen and respond to what others are saying. If someone happens to call out the fact that you’ve gotten quieter, you can politely tell them “I think I’m just a little tired, but don’t worry about me,” or something of that nature.
Think of it this way: you only have to socialize in group settings when you feel like it which is only once in a blue moon, so while you are in the group setting, try not to make people feel like you are uninterested in hanging out with them ever again. Just get through it for the time being, and once it’s over you can recharge your battery with a solo activity fit for an introvert.
If you happen to be a socially awkward introvert and need an in-depth tutorial on interacting with people in a group setting, you might enjoy reading my article A Comprehensive Guide to Socializing in Group Settings.
How will you use these tips in your next group gathering? Let me know; I love hearing stories from fellow introverts!
