How to Overcome Feeling Lonely as an Introvert
Introverts can feel lonely for a multitude of reasons which means the strategies needed to resolve your loneliness can vary based on your individual situation, but generally, introverts can overcome loneliness by improving their social skills, and focusing on the quality of their friendships vs. the quantity of their friendships, and going to introvert-friendly places or events.
The truth is no one likes to feel lonely. Even introverts, who are known for our quiet, reserved, solitary ways, need to belong to a core community of love and respect; after all, community is how humans have made it this far throughout centuries of hardship and turmoil and that’s not going to change anytime soon.
What’s an introvert to do when you feel like no one understands or values your ways? Don’t lose hope just yet; there are a few ways we can overcome our feelings of loneliness, and I hope this article will help you pinpoint the source of your loneliness and get you started on fixing it.
The Negative Affects of Loneliness for Introverts
It’s a known fact that introverts need plenty of solitude to be alone with their own thoughts, self-reflect about life, and recharge after draining social interactions. This is what we refer to as aloneness, but aloneness is not the same as being lonely.
Feeling lonely is a deep emotional state of sadness caused by not having friends or company compared to the more temporary state of being alone, and as you may already have experienced in your own life if you’ve found this article, being in a perpetual state of loneliness can have some serious negative consequences on your mental and physical health.
Here is a quick summary of the negative affects of loneliness:
A growing body of research shows that loneliness is a risk factor for depression in adolescence and adulthood, and plays a part in cognitive decline and dementia in later adulthood.
Loneliness impairs the ability to recover from daily stress and may make adolescents more susceptible to stress-related mental, somatic, and health complaints.
Threatened social exclusion led to decrements in the ability to regulate eating behavior.
You can find a more complete list of negative (and the few positive) affects of loneliness as well as the science behind the social nature of the human brain in my article Is It Ok to Be a Lonely Person?.
Overcoming Loneliness as an Introvert:
Because introverts are individuals with varying life experiences and genetic differences, the cause of your loneliness is unique to you, but here are some general tips for how you can overcome loneliness based on the common reasons I’ve found in my community of introverts:
If Needed, Lessen Your Shyness and Social Awkwardness
Just because you’re introverted doesn’t mean you are doomed to lack social skills; social skills can be learned by anyone.
For most introverts, just the thought of socializing causes a shadow of dread to overcome us, and those feelings are worsened if you are shy and socially awkward in addition to being introverted. The hard truth is that if you want to form relationships with people who understand and value your introverted personality, you have to have some basic social skills so that you’ll have any chance of meeting them.
As a former shy and socially awkward introvert myself, I know how alienating it can be when you’ve got this trifecta, but there are people out there who will appreciate your introverted personality; you just have to meet them first. Here are two articles geared towards helping shy and awkward introverts become more confident versions of themselves that you should check out after reading this article:
Focus on the Quality of Your Friendships, Not the Quantity
As introverts, the quantity of friends is not as much of a concern to us as the quality because of our natural aversion to being around lots of people.
This is a positive thing for introverts struggling with loneliness, because it takes the pressure of having to socialize with a ton of people off our shoulders; you just need to focus on connecting with a handful of people who understand and respect your introverted nature for what it is and what it’s not, and who you can also understand and respect. Some of those friends might even end up being extroverted.
Here are a few qualities to consider when looking for friends:
Focus on people who seem quiet like you. It will be much easier for both of you to hang out and do activities that you both enjoy.
They don’t have to be as introverted as you are, but make sure there is a mutual respect for each other’s differences. I have another article about this very topic if you think it could benefit you in your search for companionship: How Introverts and Extroverts Can Be Better Friends.
If you’re having trouble making new friends, try reaching out to a friend from high school or college that you haven’t heard from in a while.
Need some more curated tips for shy, anxious introverts who want to make friends? Check out my article How to Make Friends as a Shy, Anxious Introvert.
Go to Introvert-Friendly (Not Introvert-Only) Places or Events
You’re never going to meet anyone if you don’t leave your house. It’s a simple as that. For introverts, especially shy and awkward introverts, that probably sounds like a nightmare, but it doesn’t have to be if you go to places with small groups of people where it’s easier for quieter people to socialize.
For example, going to a nightclub is probably not the best place to make a connection for a quiet person like you. Instead, consider something like a local or online book club, a small hiking group, a cycling group, or a community garden; I’m not saying there will only be other introverts there, but the environment is more conducive to quiet people who tend to socialize better in smaller groups.
Don’t Be Thwarted by People’s Rejection
Rejection is an unavoidable part of life, for introverts, extroverts, and everyone in between. It’s important that when rejection happens, you don’t let it get to you, no matter how much it may hurt in the moment.
Whether someone called you boring, a buzzkill, or maybe they mistook your quietness for rudeness, you can’t make everyone happy. So reflect on the situation for a while if you must, put it out of your head, and then keep trying.
If you need a more complete guide for releasing your fears of rejection, you might enjoy reading my article How to Overcome Your Fears of Rejection as an Introvert.
Are you feeling lonely as an introvert? I know I have. Let me know your experience; I love connecting with fellow introverts like you!
