How to Cope With Social Anxiety at Family Gatherings
Social anxiety can show it’s face even around people you know like extended family that you don’t see often. The good news is family gatherings might actually be easier to navigate with social anxiety than a more random scenario with strangers.
As someone who used to struggle with social anxiety and social awkwardness for all of my young adult life, I know how it feels to be anxious about annual family gatherings like Thanksgiving, Christmas, weddings, and birthdays. Here are some of my best tips for navigating large and small family events with no sweat:
Don’t Overthink It; It’s Family
The good thing about most families is that these are people who you probably already know, and even if you don’t know them very well, familial links tend to be automatic ice breakers, meaning there’s already an underlying reason for everyone to be cordial and friendly, barring any dysfunctional family dynamics.
People like your grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins may not know a lot about you, but just the fact that you’re family makes them feel warmth towards you, so there’s less reason to be nervous around them then complete strangers. So, unless you grew up in a very dysfunctional family, you can count on family to give you some grace in your state of anxiousness.
Prepare for Some Common Conversational Topics
Before going to the gathering, try to mentally go over some common conversational topics. I’m going to recommend that you don’t write them down and study them because in my personal experience, that gives you way to much space to obsess over it and build up your anxiousness even more, but just be prepared for them.
Here are a few you can expect:
How work is going and what you want to do in the near future career-wise
How college or school is going and career/job aspirations if applicable
How your immediate family is doing, like your siblings
How you’ve been doing since they last saw you
New life happenings
Your dating experiences if applicable
Any new hobbies you’ve gotten into recently
Handle Uncomfortable Conversations with Grace
If and when uncomfortable topics come up, either engage in the conversation or gracefully decline to talk about it. If that doesn’t work, you can always remove yourself from the conversation.
You can also decide to sit back quietly and not participate in the conversation if it’s happening in a group setting.
Focus On Others Instead of Yourself
The crux of social anxiety is that you’re overly obsessed with how people may be perceiving and judging you, which leads to a fear of social rejection. In my experience, it really helps to think of others instead of yourself when going into social events so that your mental focus is on making the other person feel comfortable and important.
It’s ok to talk about yourself especially when others are directly asking you about your life and current situation, but the point I’m making is to try to focus on others instead of on yourself.
Talk With Older Family Members
In my experience, older people in general tend to be much friendlier and sociable than younger people, so try to start off with talking to them as a warmup for others.
If you’re anything like me when I was younger, I was always scared of being rejected by family members my own age because I wasn’t cool enough, so older people were kind of a safe haven for me when I was overcoming anxiety. Try talking to aunts, uncles, grandparents, older cousins, and others who are not likely to ignore you or make you feel outcasted for being a little shy.
Find Quieter, More Introverted Family Members to Talk With
If you happen to have family members who are on the quiet, introverted side, try initiating a conversation with them. They are more likely to show grace towards you’re shy nature which can be a low-pressure social situation perfect for a socially anxious person.
Try asking them about how they’re doing, what they’re into these days, if they have any new hobbies, how they like their job, etc.
Refrain From Staring at Your Phone the Entire Time
Staring at your phone for the entire gathering is a tempting cop out from socializing, but if you’re hoping to actually improve the state of your anxiety, I would recommend not staring aimlessly at your phone just to avoid interaction.
This doesn’t mean that you can’t glance at your phone every once in a while or after you’ve done most of your socializing, but aimlessly scrolling away at a time when you are supposed to be connecting with family makes it seem like you would rather be somewhere else, and it also allows you to avoid the hard work of conquering your social anxiety, because people don’t typically start conversations with people who seem uninterested and unengaged the entire time.
So, try to limit your screen time when in the presence of others at your next family gathering.
More Resources for Shy, Anxious People:
Feeling anxious about your next family gathering? Let me know; I love hearing stories from readers like you!
