A Socially Awkward Person’s Guide to Babies & Toddlers
Interacting with babies an toddlers can be intimidating for socially awkward people, but depending on how you look at it, interactions with children can greatly improve confidence in your social skills.
For my entire life, I have struggled with the symptoms of chronic social awkwardness, also known as Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). ASD is a is a neurological disordered that affects an individuals ability to communicate and socialize affectively with others, so it’s kind of like a severe form of innate social awkwardness.
Even with this disorder, though, I found that interacting with babies and toddlers like my nephew, niece, and my younger cousins were great ways to learn some basic social and relational skills that I would then go on to apply in my everyday life with adults.
In this article, I want to provide other socially awkward people with some tips on how to not be awkward around babies and toddlers, which will hopefully give you some confidence in your overall social skills.
Children Are Low-Risk Opportunities to Improve Social Skills
You might be surprised to hear that one of the kick-starters to building confidence in my own social skills as a teenager was interacting with my first nephew from the time he was born to when he was 11 or 12. The reason for this is because babies and toddlers require very basic human interactions that will make them feel happy and content, and when they are so young — particularly in the infant stage — there is very little rejection that is likely to embarrass you, meaning they probably won’t outright cry and throw a tantrum unless they are in serious distress or being disciplined. Compare that to interacting with adults where you have to keep track of the many intricacies of social interaction, and just one wrong look or word can throw off an interaction, potentially causing social embarrassment.
So try to use the opportunities of interacting with babies and toddlers as confidence builders that can build your social self-esteem and motivation to unlearn your awkward ways.
Interacting With Newborns (0 - 3 Months)
The newborn stage is not really about interacting to make them comprehend things which is good news for socially awkward people; it’s more about making them feel safe and secure using a combination of happy facial expressions, a soothing voice, and gentle touching or stroking.
Smile
Even if a newborn can’t smile back at you just yet, it helps you to connect with them and helps them feel safe with you. This doesn’t mean you have to sport a big, toothy grin the entire time you’re holding them, but at least make your face appear friendly in between your smiling.
Look Them In the Eye When Interacting
Newborn babies can’t do much, but they can see close distances while their eyes are still developing. This makes eye contact very important in newborn interactions, because it’s really the only thing they can do to connect with you — especially early on in the newborn stage.
Talk To Them, But Don’t Overuse Babble Language
It’s a common misconception that you have to always use “Goo-goo, gah-gah” babble when interacting with a newborn.
Every woman in my family told me that overusing babbling talk was unnecessary and that you should use actual sentences most of the time. It’s not that babies will understand anything you’re saying, but it’s better than complete babble. For instance, you can say things like “Aren’t you handsome/pretty?” or you can verbalize what you’re doing, like “Do you have a dirty diaper? Let’s go change it now.” When the baby is in distress, it’s particularly helpful to talk to them. For example, if the wet wipe feels cold in their skin and they start to cry, you can say something like, “Oh I know it’s cold. It’ll be over in just a second,” or “It’s ok! It’s just a little cold. It won’t hurt you!”
While you don’t need to use “Goo-goo, gah-gah” language all the time, it is OK to make fun sounds and repeat sounds that babies make as a sort of mock conversation once they begin to discover their voice at around 3 or 4 months. It’s a great way to encourage interaction and development. For example, if a baby says “Ah!”, you can say “Ah!” back in a similar tone and duration to let them know you’re listening. Or if they start to explore the volume of their voice by screaming, you don’t have to mimic the loud volume of the scream (because that will likely scare them), but you can mimic it at a quieter volume or playfully say to them, “What are you screaming at?”
Use a Soothing Voice
Newborns tend to respond well to relatively soothing voices when being talked to directly. This doesn’t mean you have to tiptoe around them all the time. In my experience, the everyday noises of a household or an outside park typically don’t bother newborns, but whenever you’re in their face and talking to them, it’s better to use a quiet, soothing voice.
Interacting With Babies & Toddlers (3 Months - 3 Years)
For socially awkward people, playing with a baby that can respond to your interaction is more nerve-racking than holding a newborn that can’t really do anything yet, but try not to overthink it. It’s all about interacting with them on their level, and adapting to their responses; so if they like something you’re doing, keep doing similar things, and when they are tired of that behavior, stop and move on to something else.
In my experience, the way in which an adult should interact with babies and toddlers outside of the newborn stage is basically the same; the only difference is some of your interactions will be more advanced for older toddlers who can walk, use their hands, and talk than for younger ones who are more limited in their movement, speech, and mental capacity. You have to go in with confidence though, because babies and toddlers can sense when you’re uncomfortable interacting with them.
Mimic Conversations on Their Level
Babies and toddlers like to be talked to, whether they can respond yet or not. Talking to them helps them to develop language skills slowly but surely.
Babies:
Much like the newborn stage, babies won’t be able to respond to you with words yet, but they will probably try to mimic a response by making noises and whatnot. This is a sign that they hear what you’re saying, and are trying to interact with you in their own way. So talk to them and show some excitement in your voice and facial expressions. You can try doing nursery rhymes, singing appropriate songs, and narrating what you’re doing right now in a playful manner.
Toddlers:
Whether the toddler can talk or not, they are much more keen on hearing words and sentences than babies are, so talking with them is crucial. You can point things out to them, explain and show them how to use objects, emphasize the object’s name so they learn what it is, ask them questions and then provide answers for them, like “What is this? It’s a ball,” or “What color is this? It’s red,” or “Where’s your nose? Here is your nose,” while pointing to their nose.
Emphasize Facial Expressions to Match Your Language
Some socially awkward people have trouble with facial expressions in everyday interactions with adults, but facial expressions are particularly important for both babies and toddlers, because they are learning the basics of communication. So, make sure to exaggerate your facial expressions and responses to them so that they start to learn what reactions mean what.
If they figure out how to do something, smile, look excited, clap for them, and celebrate by saying “Yay!” If they hurt themselves and are crying, don’t start crying with them but share in their discomfort by showing a sad face and trying to console them with soothing words like, “You’re OK. It’s just a little scratch.” If you are asking them a question, make a questioning face.
Play With Them
Babies:
If the baby is able to respond to stimuli by smiling, laughing, and wiggling, this means they are old enough to play with you, but the intensity of the play depends on age and ability.
If they can’t sit up on their own yet, you can lay them down on the bed, couch, or a floor mat and talk to them, sing nursery rhymes to them, or play games like peek-a-boo. You can also make up games of your own if you’re creative; when my nephew and niece were born, I played a game with them called So Big, which is basically where they are lying on the bed, you take their hands and very gently shake them together in front of their chest and say “Johnny is sooooooooo BIG!” and when you say the word “Big,” you quickly but gently move their hands above their head.
If the baby can sit up on their own and/or crawl around, you have some more options. They still like being talked to, played with, and sung to, but now you can be a little more adventurous; try bouncing them on your knee and saying “Bouncy, bouncy, bouncy…” or sitting on the floor with them and encouraging them to crawl around some, or showing them how to clap their hands together.
Toddlers:
When the baby can now walk, i.e. toddle, they are now able to play a little more intensely. You can do things like tickle them without overdoing it, or covering yourself with a blanket and then revealing yourself and saying “Here I am!” or pretending to look for them and asking “Where did Johnny go? There he is!” You can even chase them around the room and then catch them.
Read to Them
Both babies and toddlers love being read to. However, it’s not as simple as blankly reading the words on the page; you need to be a little more animated when reading the story so that they are engaged. When something happy is occurring in the story, be happy; when something surprising happens, be surprised; when something scary happens, be scared; and so on and so forth.
You can even get them involved in the story by pointing out images, and letting them turn the page. If they are starting to talk, you can start emphasizing certain words and encouraging them to repeat it, but if they don’t repeat it, that’s OK; just keep reading and understand that they are listening and learning.
More Resources for Socially Awkward People
Need more help with overcoming your social awkwardness? Let me know; I love hearing stories from readers like you!
