How to Fake Being an Extrovert When You Have To (How to Be Sociable)
Introverts like you and me tend to prefer alone time over being social, but there are certain times when we have to socialize with people. However, I’m going to take a slightly different view on this topic than what the title suggests.
Faking an extroverted personality suggests that you need to be someone you’re not, but you don’t need to fake being an extrovert; you just need to develop your social skills so that you can socialize like a confident introvert. So in this article, I’m going to outline some ways that you can be better at socializing without pretending to be someone you’re not.
Here are the points covered in this article:
Identify one person who looks approachable and unengaged
If there are no singular, unengaged people, try integrating into a group discussion
Make eye contact, smile, and nod (look approachable)
Learn the art of small talk/conversation
Avoid deep, thoughtful answers/topics
Stay away from corners and your phone
What Do “Introvert” and “Extrovert” Mean?
According to Merriam-Webster:
An introvert us a typically reserved or quiet person who tends to be introspective and enjoys spending time alone. Introverts tend to prefer activities that don’t involve large groups of people.
An extrovert is an unreserved person who enjoys and seeks out social interaction. Extroverts tend to prefer activities with lots of people and lots of opportunities to socialize.
How to Fake Extroversion, i.e., How to Be More Sociable
I don’t think it’s necessary to fake being an extrovert in terms of pretending like you are the life and soul of the party when you aren’t. In fact I think it can be bad for your psyche if you are consistently pretending to have an extroverted personality.
Instead, what I think we should be asking is how can introverts be more sociable when we have to navigate events like wedding receptions, birthday parties, office parties, or everyday situations like the workplace (check out my article How Introverts Can Face the Challenges of a Social Workplace).
1. Identify One Person Who Looks Approachable and Unengaged
Introvert’s don’t typically like socializing in large groups and injecting yourself into a group having an ongoing conversation can be even more terrifying, so try to start with just one person.
The risk/reward ratio is a lot lower if you start with one person instead of trying to interject yourself into an already engaged group of people, so try to engage with one person successfully at first. Depending on what kind of event you’re attending, just starting with that one person can sometimes lead them to introduce you to others in the room; it’s a win-win because you made the big step of initiating an interaction successfully, and you didn’t have to initiate more because they did it for you.
If there are no singular, unengaged people, try these tips for integrating into a group discussion:
As you are walking up to a group, look at each person’s eyes and facial expressions to make sure it’s not a private, serious matter. If at least one of them looks back at you and smiles/looks friendly, it’s probably a sign that you are welcome to join.
Look for social cues that suggest a light-hearted discussion. If people are laughing and smiling, it’s probably safe for you to join them.
As you are entering the group, display a friendly face and nod to whoever looks at you first. This shows that you have no ill intentions when entering the discussion.
If you need a more in-depth tutorial on how to handle socializing in a group setting, check out my article A Comprehensive Guide to Socializing in Group Settings.
2. Make Eye Contact, Smile, and Nod (Look Approachable)
Making eye contact with someone, smiling, and nodding once in their direction is the easiest way to let people you’re open to socializing with them.
As introverts, we have a tendency to avoid making eye contact with people in public because subconsciously, we know eye contact is how most social interactions are initiated; but at a social event, making eye contact, flashing a nice smile, and nodding once towards people is the best and quickest way to let people know that you’re open to talking to them, without having to approach people.
In my experience, the “eye contact, smile, and nod” combo is like a “here I am” to extroverts (and introverts), and at least one of them is likely to start a conversation with you.
3. Learn the Art of Small Talk/Conversation
Mastering the basic rules of small talk will make social interactions much easier for introverts.
Most introverts avoid small talk like the plague. Sometimes, it can even be so draining that it can cause your social battery to shut down at the most inconvenient times. That’s why it’s important to know the basic rules of conversing so that you don’t overthink it:
Small talk is just a call and response: they say something, you respond appropriately; they ask a question, you answer the question, and maybe follow up with a relevant question to ask them.
An engaging conversation requires “tone matching”: if they say something exciting, respond with an excited expression, a slightly higher pitched vocal inflection, and a smile; if the conversation is neutral, you should reflect a neutral countenance; if people are laughing at a light-hearted joke, laugh with them. You don’t have to exaggerate these expressions (we’re not extroverts after all); just do enough so that the person knows you’re interested in the conversation.
These are just a few important points to remember about small talk, but if you want the full guide to mastering small talk, you might enjoy reading my article The Complete Guide to Social Aptitude for Awkward People, which will help you learn to be confident in your socialization skills as an introvert.
4. Avoid Deep, Thoughtful Answers/Topics Upfront
Because introverts are very introspective, we are liable to respond with very drawn-out, thoughtful answers that not everyone wants to hear in the setting of a social event. Save your deep topics for people who you know will appreciate them.
Here’s a short story that’s sure to make my fellow introverts chuckle from relatability:
I can recall one self-esteem-killing moment when I would try to socialize with extroverted people. I can recall one particular moment freshman year of college when I was hanging out with a few people from one of the campus organizations of which I was a part. One girl in the group stated that she really enjoyed the book she was reading which was about a toxic love story, even though she jokingly admitted she didn’t want a toxic love story for herself. Well, as the typical, introverted person that I am, I casually went on to give a very introspective and thoughtful response, saying that she probably enjoyed it because as humans, we often like consuming media that caters to the worst aspects of human nature, including toxic love stories like the book she was reading. What happened after that? They chuckled — all five of them, and continued on with the conversation as if I wasn’t even there.
So from introvert to introvert, try to keep conversation light unless you’re sure the other person is as introspective as you are.
5. Stay Away From the Corners and Your Phone
Introverts tend to find the darkest corner of a room and stand there all night long, which of course we’re very happy to do; however, stay away from the corners and off your phone this time.
Standing in the corner of a room and staring at your phone to escape conversation signals to others that you are uninterested in engaging with anyone; even if you’re only doing this because you are nervous, it might not be interpreted that way to others.
To prevent looking like you don’t want to be bothered with anyone, use tip #1 to identify someone who you think looks approachable and talk to them and use step #2 to signal that you’re open to socializing.
What to Do When You’re Drained From Socializing
When your social battery starts to run low, it’s important that — if possible — you should plan your exit strategy, because if you try to socialize while you’re drained, you’ll likely be in a sour mood, other people will pick up on that energy, and they might make an incorrect assumption about you. If you can’t make an exit soon, try to stay positive and think about some ways that you can recharge your battery after experiencing social burnout.
What do you think? What are some of your favorite ways to “fake being extroverted” when you have to? Let me know; I love hearing stories from my readers!
