How to Navigate Office Parties as an Introvert
It’s every introverted employees worst nightmare; that time of the year when your place of work has planned an office party, where you’ll be expected to socialize, put on a fake happy face, and worst of all, engage in small talk.
As a lifelong introvert myself who was involved in a corporate work place for a decade, I’ve been to my fair share of office parties, so I’ve put together some helpful tips that got me through those gatherings without completely losing my sanity.
Socialize With People Who Seem Quiet Like You
I’m not suggesting that you completely avoid people just because they are not like you; after all there are some extroverts out there who respect your introverted personality for what it is and what it’s not. However, if you don’t want your social battery to drain so quickly, you should seek out people who seem more like you first. Find people who are somewhat awkwardly hanging out in the corner of the room and looking around for people to talk to like you are probably doing.
I can recall one particular office Christmas party that I attended early on in my career as a software engineer, and one of my extremely extroverted coworkers — the kind who comes into work dressed in a women’s Santa outfit with jingle bells as a necklace the day of the party, insisting that everyone else be as cheery as she is — walked in and jokingly yelled, “Now the party can start!” followed by laughter from everyone. I have nothing against extroverts like this woman and can generally be friendly and cordial with anyone, but as the extreme introvert that I am, I could just tell that we probably would not get along the best in an environment outside of work.
So, to prevent your social battery from being depleted so quickly, try to socialize with people who seem to be on the more reserved side like you.
Learn the Art of Casual Conversation, i.e. Small Talk
As introverts, we tend to appreciate deep, thoughtful, and introspective conversations more than our extroverted counterparts, but take it from me and my embarrassing moments: a light, fun-filled office party is not the time nor the place to engage in this kind of discussion — at least not upfront. So save the deeper discussion topics for after the lighter conversation starters happen and you’ve deciphered if the person with whom you’re talking to is interested in those kind of topics or not.
Here Are Some of My Tips for Engaging in Small Talk at Office Parties:
Steer clear of overly deep and thoughtful discussions up front; you have to ease into those topics after you start with some lighter questions so that you can detect if they would even be interested in those kind of topics.
If you want to initiate small talk, don’t overthink it. You can say something as simple and friendly as “Hey, how are you enjoying the party?” or “How is your drink?” You can even say something clever or funny; for instance, if you notice someone has had a bit too much to drink, say, “Looks like they’re having fun, huh?” Depending on how they respond, you might have found a fellow introvert who hates being there as much as you do.
If you don’t like talking about yourself, try to focus most of the attention on them by asking them friendly and casual questions so that you aren’t talking about yourself too much.
Some casual topics that are good for small talk include:
How they’re enjoying the party: you can follow up by asking them if they normally like parties/events like this.
What they enjoy doing in their free time: This is a very common small talk topic that can immediately let you know if both of your personalities go well together or clash.
They’re weekend plans: It’s completely normal to inquire about weekend plans so that you can learn what the other person enjoys doing; their answer can give you clues about whether or not their personality would mesh well with yours.
Whether or not they have future career goals outside of they’re current job: I wouldn’t recommend striking up this conversation with someone like your higher ups, but with employees on your level, this is a perfectly reasonable topic of discussion.
Don’t Try to Be Someone You’re Not, but Do Have a Good Attitude
Instead of trying to act like an extrovert when you are not, just be yourself and try to maintain a pleasant attitude even though you would rather be somewhere else, and hopefully you’ll attract interactions that are well-suited to your personality.
Generally, it can be harmful to your psyche and your self-esteem to fake having an extroverted personality when you’re an introvert, so it’s a good idea to just be yourself. It’s possible that some people will think you’re reserved nature is boring, but so what? For every few people who think you’re a buzzkill, there’s someone who will appreciate your thoughtful nature and quiet personality and who will enjoy talking to you (maybe not at the party, but somewhere no doubt), and as you know, introverts like us tend to value the quality of the conversation/friend over the quantity.
So don’t feel like you have to go all out and act like you’re the life of the party; just be friendly to people, be open to conversation by looking approachable, show interest in people’s discussion, and whoever gravitates towards you or whoever you gravitate towards will probably enjoy socializing with you. If you are still plagued by your fears of rejection, you might enjoy my article How to Overcome Your Fears of Rejection as an Introvert.
Stop Staring at Your Phone So Much
Continuously staring at your phone gives off the impression that you are completely uninterested in what is going on at the moment, and it’s a deterrent to people who may want to socialize with you. Now, you’re probably thinking, “Of course I want to deter people from socializing with me; I’m an introvert!” but it can give off an unintended message about your personality. Instead of people thinking you’re just a quiet person, they may think you came to the party begrudgingly, which is never a good look.
As someone who used to be severely socially awkward and shy in addition to my innate introversion, I also understand that staring at your phone may be a way to cope with your social anxiety, If that sounds like you, you might enjoy reading my blog post How to Overcome Being Shy as an Introvert.
So, if you’re going to stare at your phone for the entire night, you were probably better off not coming out at all. Wouldn’t you agree?
Know Your Limits, and Don’t Push Them
The worst thing an introvert can do is remain in a social situation when introvert burnout starts to creep in. If you push your social limits too much, you’ll likely be in a sour mood that is bound to negatively affect how you appear to and interact with others. When you start to feel your social battery depleting, it’s best to plan your exit soon and say your goodbyes while you still have the mental energy to do so.
Those are all of the tips I have for now, but if you need some more general tips on how introverts can navigate everyday life in the workplace, you might enjoy my article How Introverts Can Face the Challenges of a Social Workplace.
How do you navigate office parties at your workplace? Did you find these tips helpful? Let me know; I love hearing from fellow introverts!
